So everyone in life has their ups and downs, right? Some just have more, and some just are worse. It’s life, it happens. No one person is perfect, but you cannot make excuses for your problems. You can’t sit there and pity yourself, especially to the point of not care about you and the people in your life who care about you. How is someone supposed to care about you when you don’t even care about yourself? And when you get to that point, then sit there and complain how you want things back to the way they were but don’t put in any effort then tough shit; no one wants to hear it. You should’ve bettered yourself from the get go, not when no one is there for you anymore.
I have been there, rock bottom but I realized the people who really loved me and cared about me. I did what I had to do in order to feel good about myself again. It’s happened more than once, but I never let my own pity party turn into and drawn out affair. It’s not easy, I can say that but it’s better than the alternative; which I will admit I have been there twice. The first time, I was young and overwhelmed and not diagnosed correctly; not to make excuses for myself. The second, I can’t even tell you what triggered me to do it but once I realized how many people were there for me when I almost died, my whole perspective changed.
With all that being said, it’s your choice, no one else’s to do everything in your power to better yourself, your life. It’s not fair to people who actually love you to sit there and see you ruin your life over something that could most likely be easily fixed. Why drag people who depend on you down with you when they did nothing to deserve it?
I recently had an “episode” but for once I didn’t even think of hurting myself or my loved ones any more than they already have. Yeah, I had a little pity part for myself, but guess who was there to pick me up; my son and my best friend. I am so grateful that Tiffani believes in me and has stuck by me through all the hard times. Also, my son is 5 months old. Why on earth would I let him have a mother who couldn’t handle herself much less him? No, I did and am continuing to do what I need for myself and Blayden. This is no longer about just me. I want my family to be together; who doesn’t? But if that doesn’t work out the way WE want it to, then that is okay. Blayden will have a strong, healthy mother to be there in order to take care of him and love him unconditionally. He doesn’t deserve his childhood, or even life ruined because of my mistakes. If anything, I learn from them and then better myself in order to raise him the right way, respectful and strong-willed.
Remember, NO ONE BUT YOURSELF CAN CONTROL YOU, AND YOUR LIFE. Never let someone else ruin your life for any reason, and this is coming from someone who tried overdosing twice, and struggles with bipolar II. But like I said, I am doing every in my power in order to better every aspect of my life.
- My Everything.