No disrespect


I don’t mean any disrespect when someone says “I know how you feel” or “ I feel that” and my response is “no you don’t.”

I’m sorry I’m not sorry but you could never EMPATHIZE with a “army” of people doing everything to I assume take me down. You could never feel one of your 4 best friends betray you to the point of electrocution. I still can’t wrap my head around it. Reasoning? Still unknown. For no reason on my part. No disagreement ect nothing.

You’ll never know what it feels like for that to happen realize you died and came back to life and still get lied to about what happened.

No you don’t know what it’s like to not trust anything but yourself. You don’t know what it’s like going thru hell screaming for help and have no one respond. While a friend is going thru a similar situation and getting support out the ass.

Have you ever been held hostage by someone so evil he wanted to keep you from everyone including your family? Do you know what it’s like to get abandoned by everyone but 3 people in your life? And have them 3 people die too early for you.

Sorry not sorry you can’t imagine my pain. The pain that doesn’t hurt no more cause your so used to it and it’s so intense. I could write produce and direct a movie and MAYBE then you could fathom the idea of what I’m speaking of.

Betrayal, privacy violations on all degrees, targeted, alienated, abandoned, gaslight for years.

I appreciate your sentiments I really do. I don’t wish my pain on anyone else. Even the ones who caused it. I know people think I’m losing my mind cause I’ve always been crazy, but it’s not like they think. I’m surviving each day as they come. Yes I’m totally fucked up. But I’m aware of my reality.

Woah


Struggling with faith
Strugglin', I'm tryna find my way
Fightin', I'm havin' battles with faith
They criticize me and speak on my name
But perfect's somethin' that I'll never be
Yeah
I remember days back as a kid
They was hatin', sayin' I was never gonna be nothin' dope (pow)
They was sayin' I was never gonna make it
They would try to put me in a headlock, had me by the throat (never)
They would say I was a little boy, snot-nose
Wrong path, I was dodgin' all the potholes
Syndrome they diagnosed called Stockholm
Goin' through hеll, was walkin' on the hot coals
Mama said I was a special case
And dеmons talk to those we cannot replace
That the world was a hell and test of faith
To crown those who would walk to the heavens gates
So I'd sit and wait
Face to face with those who would try to break my mental state
Then take all the hurt and pain and paint barbells I'd use
Just to shoulder weight now my strength
Got the people askin', like, "Who's stoppin' him?
We ain't never seen a nigga this poppin'
Without that garbage that be brainwashin' 'em"
So every time I get a chance, I'm bombin' the verbal vomit
Is tick-tick-tockin' 'em into a coffin
Your 15 seconds is up, be Giannis
The bucks you chase couldn't chip my commas
I digest greats and I paid my homage (yeah)
Fuck cheese, what I'm spittin' is nachos
Niggas didn't believe I was spittin' the gospel
Now they gotta receive, take a swig of the hot sauce
Bow and get on they knees 'cause these verses Picasso
I won't fold, yes, I got my soul
Every bar I throw is a strike, I bowl
They won't pin me, no, I won't spare or go
Down the path they chose, I'ma bring them home
Strugglin', I'm tryna find my way
Fightin', I'm havin' battles with faith
They criticize me and speak on my name
But perfect's somethin' that I'll never be
Strugglin', I'm tryna find my way (find a way)
Fightin', I'm havin' battles with faith (havin' battles with faith)
They criticize me and speak on my name (let me speak on my name)
But perfect's somethin' that I'll never be
Now I'm a veteran, uh
They didn't know they was fuckin' 'round wit' a specimen
Many men tried to get me, but my adrenaline
Came in so heavy that I was able to take on ten of them
Every battle was won, I made them irrelevant
The screams loud, the cries of men deafenin'
I told 'em all I was sorry and that I'm heaven-sent
But if I gotta kill 'em, then fuck it, I'll go to hell again
Now I'm straight drivin' it, uh (skrrt)
I see demons pull up outside
To the left and the right, tryna get up inside
So I gas every beat and let 'em know what I'm vibin' with
Don't give me that paper, I'm not signin' it
I see the evil, you niggas ain't disguisin' it
I'm sick wit' it, not talkin' about sinuses
If they wanna puppet, I'm throwin' a peace sign to it
Ate the hate, then put it the game in reverse
Built a base, engaged and through the flames I emerged (go)
Grabbed the gates of hell to close then turned
To the devil's face, and said we are adjourned
Every cell and each and every single nerve
In my body jumped as I began to purge
Then I hit the bend and sped around the curve
To the sign that said, "Return back up to earth"
Now they haunt me, can't get up off me
Wakin' the people up like some c-c-c-coffee
Devil knows what I'm doing so he tryin' to stop me
Braking the chains of mental slaves
On the path less chose, went against the grain
Everybody fuckin' knows Dax the next to reign
Anybody who oppose burns then heats the flame
Throws and seeks the sheep, then begin to change
Strugglin', I'm tryna find my way
Fightin', I'm havin' battles with faith
They criticize me and speak on my name
But perfect's somethin' that I'll never be
Strugglin', I'm tryna find my way (find a way)
Fightin', I'm havin' battles with faith (I'm havin' battles with faith)
They criticize me and speak on my name (let me speak on my name)
But perfect's somethin' that I'll never be

Triggered


 shoudn't take things so serious
I don't think they mean any harm
But it would sicken you too
If it happened to you
And you had to relive every part
Here come the flashbacks
And the panic attacks
How long does that shit last
I'm losing myself by the day see
And I know you all think that I'm crazy
That the demons that show up
At the foot of my bed
Are just figments from memories
That fucked up my head
That night terrors ain't nothin
But a real bad dream
So quit being a God Damn drama queen
I seal myself in a sound proof room
So no one can hear how loud I scream
But you don't think it's as bad as it seems
Cause you've never dealt with PTSD
Frozen in your track
Take a visit to the past
To see the devils dirty deed
Leave a mark all down your back
I can't even be around cigarettes
You know how many people smoke?
Approximately one billion
And just about everybody I know
You think you know but you don't
When someone's broke you can't just heavy sigh
And roll your eyes
Like if they ain't physically ill
Then they must be a liar
But wouldn't you recede to the fire
If everything around you became a threat
And everyone surrounding you said
GET OVER IT
It becomes unbearable to live in
So listen
Triggers are relentless
They ain't gonna quit
They don't go away just cause you don't
Believe it
Reliving each nightmare on an everyday basis
I don't think I can do this
I don't think I can take this
Frozen in your tracks
Take a visit to the past
To see the devils dirty deed
Leave a mark all down your back
Frozen in your tracks
Take a visit to the past
To see the devils dirty deed
Leave a mark all down your back
You sent my mind on fire
Sparks flying I'm rewired
You left me no desire
Broken and uninspired
I feel you all conspire
Left all alone with liars
Hopeless so I get higher
And higher till I'm tired
And there's no reminder
Of what I'm crying for
Cause I can't fucking do this anymore
Frozen in your tracks
Take a visit to the past
Repay the devils dirty deed
With a gash all down his back
You set my mind on fire
Sparks flying I'm rewired
You left me no desire
Broken and uninspired
Hopeless so I get higher
And higher till I'm tired
And there is no reminder
Of what I'm crying for
I can't do this anymore
What am I even fighting for?