Change I must or die I will shoot in 2013

2013 My best friend was doing a photo shoot and last minute I got added. Neither me or the photographer knew each other or me the theme of the shoot.

“Change i must or die I will had been tattooed on my arm for a voile years at that point”

The shoot is the struggle for life battling your “demons” Adding me and my past and his wife’s minds all together the shoot became WAY more than what he originally planned. While I’m still an addict because that doesn’t just go away. My got contol of my demons when I was 18 after a 2 week period of Xanax BAD. From then on my addiction was at bay. I could pick something up and not again if I want. The tattoo is a reminder of my mental health because I was dangerous before.

Disclaimer THE NEEDLE IN THE LAST PICTURE is band aided on and edited. IM 32 and can NOT even see a needle without wanting to pass out. I’m only clarifying that because it was VERY controversial because people thought it was a real.

Continue reading “Change I must or die I will shoot in 2013”

frustrated and sad

I’m frustrated and sad because how much it took to catch my attention and when finally did (which is hard WASNT it? Then LET MY GUARD DOWN. and you fold?

Okay let’s keep it G. YOU SMARTER THAN THAT to believe anything along the lines of me being fake. Playing you and ect. YOUR A FUCKIN MORON to fall for the shit I warned you bout. AND IF IN fact a side was chosen. I HOPE YOU LOVE THE KARMA THAT COMES WITH IT.

Coulda caught me a bird for a war I started
But I found myself involved (Turn, turn)
Is there such a feelin' as bein' way too loyal?
Touch road and I grew some roses
Got straight out the mud of the soil (Turn, turn)
Is there such a feelin' as bein' way too loyal?
Always еight racks to show
How's [?] whipped up for bro
Is there such a feelin' as bеin' way too loyal?
Steady and slow always wins the race
I turned down million pounds and more money
Is there such a feelin' as bein' way too loyal?

“Your can’t stunt all you want talk all the shit you want but you will see like you said “time will tell”

HOPE TIME AND PRIDE DOESNT stop you from seeing reality before I give up 🆙

Hope you as G as you act cause them feelings going to make you sick when you realize you played ya self out A solid downass bitch.

I hope it makes you sick 😷 when you realized I was always real and even when I wasn’t fully aware:


Just a little reminder that there is nothing wrong with you, you have been the
victim of a prolonged insidious wave of psychological and emotional terrorism.
You accepted some things that were never meant to be. But there is nothing
wrong with you, you are a normal caring person that just wants to make
people happy. And someone took advantage of that.
I am in lockdown alone, whilst everyone else has kept in touch, not heard a
thing of N.
The time to reflect is time to think and whilst N thinks in her mind that the
discard hurts, it does! But not as she thinks. The time to think and analyse
comes in waves, The abuse I’ve endured and allowed, how could I?
Whether its the physical scars of cigarette burns, or mental scars from the
most wicked of images they put in your head. Abuse is abuse and normal
people don’t do that shit to others.
Now I know you probably aren’t in a good place if you are here. But instead of
dwelling on the rare good times..
Remember the histrionic melt downs!
Remember the gas lighting
Remember the triangulation
Remember the lies
Remember the verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, psychological abuse

Remember their mental gymnastics of justification and hypocrisy
Remember their cruelty, their discards, silent treatment, false public image,
wicked true selves behind closed doors.
Then stop.
Remember who you were before all this shit started. Remember who you wan
to be, who you can be.
And repeat after me.
I accepted some things that were never meant to be.
But I will unfuck myself!
Peace and love to everyone going through this.
We are all playing the same game, just different levels, stuck in the same hell just different devils.