Just a little reminder that there is nothing wrong with you, you have been the
victim of a prolonged insidious wave of psychological and emotional terrorism.
You accepted some things that were never meant to be. But there is nothing
wrong with you, you are a normal caring person that just wants to make
people happy. And someone took advantage of that.
I am in lockdown alone, whilst everyone else has kept in touch, not heard a
thing of N.
The time to reflect is time to think and whilst N thinks in her mind that the
discard hurts, it does! But not as she thinks. The time to think and analyse
comes in waves, The abuse I’ve endured and allowed, how could I?
Whether its the physical scars of cigarette burns, or mental scars from the
most wicked of images they put in your head. Abuse is abuse and normal
people don’t do that shit to others.
Now I know you probably aren’t in a good place if you are here. But instead of
dwelling on the rare good times..
Remember the histrionic melt downs!
Remember the gas lighting
Remember the triangulation
Remember the lies
Remember the verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, psychological abuse

Remember their mental gymnastics of justification and hypocrisy
Remember their cruelty, their discards, silent treatment, false public image,
wicked true selves behind closed doors.
Then stop.
Remember who you were before all this shit started. Remember who you wan
to be, who you can be.
And repeat after me.
I accepted some things that were never meant to be.
But I will unfuck myself!
Peace and love to everyone going through this.
We are all playing the same game, just different levels, stuck in the same hell just different devils.


I’m going to explain to you who katie is. First off the name it’s self came from and inside joke and naming my high manic state wether I’m angry or petty it’s my high manic/ narcissistic side. Naming it was also a inside side joke to start. Naming it is actually what helped me heal it. Since 2016 it’s been gone.


Katie is my survival instinct from being raised by 4 narcissist and being the scapegoat. At a very young age I was aware of the fact how I was treated was wrong and I never wanted to be like that. My bipolar and Katie didn’t manifest til I was 18 and between 18-27 when I was enraged “Katie” she was out of control and a psychopath but she was always triggered by something significant enough that unmediated and what not triggered by Ben a lot but he rightfully caused each one and ima keep it real it took two different occasions of this happening for the doctor to realize. Those two times I was trying to start taking my medicine (which you have to Wean your self on just like off and I didn’t know that) and on the second occasion different mental hospital the therapist caught on to me taking the full dosage and which overloaded my brain into mania but also triggered.

I had Blayden in 2013 and went through postpartum depression at the beginning and never wanted him 2015 Salem was born so them to ever see the monster I could be. I got complacent with my medication but by 2014 even tho medicated unaware of the subtly abuse I stayed depressed for a long time years. But from my knowledge once we moved to the trailer in 2017 a year after I healed my rage in rehab Katie only manifested once. Ben 6’2 200+ lbs reclined in the recliner I picked it up from the footing and flipped him but he caught himself. I’m 5”3’ 100lbs. But that’s her strength. I stayed in that same depression I never go out of til august 2017 when me and Ben got in a fight and I made him leave for the first time ever in our relationship. Christmas 2017 when I really broke up with him the first time. He thought it was my bipolar;it wasn’t.


Early 2018 is when I named her and she was gone. Dormit. Sleep. Healed. Idk whatever you want to call it. Even the entire year of abuse with Ben nothing. I even said at the time I was too calm it was scary either something was broken or it was going to be explosive 🧨


July 22, 2020 was the first time I had to fight Katie after being triggered by ben. Blind sided. All that day I fought her from manifesting out of fear of being out of control

Had t
Continue reading “Katie”

This post will come with a lot of screen shots

The joker”

Narcissist. Psychopath. Stalker. Hacker.

January 9 I cut off my “friend” in the middle of a gaslight after him already showing my he was a narcissist AT THE TIME MY ENTIRE narcissistic family was in the mist of bombing me with taking my kids custody and taking my ex’s side and turning on me. Once I did that he lost his top. Death threats. Intimidation. ALL cyber crimes. And stalking on a scary extreme. So much I felt physically violated by the hacking and called the cops TWICE. Nothing done. Sitting duck.

Continue reading “This post will come with a lot of screen shots”